The following is a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you Jose Antonio Madrigal III / Jai / Paquing, whoever you are.
Jerk! Asshole! Go to hell!
This is a story of boy meets boy on Friendster. But you should know up front, this is not a love story.
I need you to help me spread my story, and help me find Jai. He deleted his different accounts on the net, and I can't find him anywhere. I'm no longer asking him to love me back, I just want to know WHY?
-- Jullian Abuda
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"love on the internet is very very dangerous..."
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PART ONE
When Joe Met Jai
(070)
“Para kang coral sa malalim na part ng dagat... it takes a brave man para sisirin at makita ang totoo mong ganda.”
Probably, it was the best thing I’ve heard (technically, read) from him. It was the night before my birthday. Same night he said he likes me even though he’s under the straight-men category and has an on-and-off relationship with his girlfriend. That night I said to myself, “ang haba-haba ng hair ko.”
Who could resist, he’s a super good-looking guy, intelligent, talented, into sports and he loves music (he has his own band!!!). Plus he lives in Dasma Ville and drives himself to Ateneo, alternating on two cars. At least, that’s what he says and that’s what I see on his Friendster, Multiply and Facebook accounts. It has been (600) days and I still haven’t seen in person the man (or woman?) I fell so crazy in love with.
Jose Antonio Gonzales Madrigal III, where are you? WHO ARE YOU?
***
(001)
Jai Madrigal? I don’t even know if it’s dyay or dyey, all I know is this guy is totally cute and he’s adding me on Friendster. My account is supposedly exclusive for people I really know but what the hell, ang gwapo eh. I’ll add him although my gut tells me there’s something wrong. Guys as cute as him don’t just add people like me. I’m gay, and a loud one to be exact. Baka poser lang ‘to na gumagamit ng picture ng kung sinong cute na taga-Ateneo.
“Wow, he paints...” Tsaka, “Ay, sayang, he has a girlfriend na ‘ata.” Very interesting.
That time, my boyfriend just left me for some older guy. It has been a month of depression and trying to move on. I’ve been humiliated in front of my family and been hurt so much I don’t think it can get any worse. Adding this guy and sending a “thank you for the add” message won’t hurt. Malay ko ba naman kung talagang totoong tao itong si Jai Madrigal? Eh ‘di may instant cutie friend ako.
(005)
“Ang galing mong sumayaw. I’m a fan of G-Force.”
Okay, taga-Dasmariñas Village na mukhang konyo-konyo equals to ASAP avid viewer na fan ng G-Force. Hmm, ‘di gan’un kadaling paniwalaan pero sige na nga. After exchanging few messages on Friendster, nalaman ko na we have a common friend pala. Jai is the ex-boyfriend of a friend of Khryssy who is an ex-member of G-Force. Ang gulo... ulit. Basta, si Khryssy, friend ko at niligawan din pala siya dati ni Jai. Okay, nakahinga na ako ng maluwag, now at least alam kong hindi pala ako dinedenggoy ng lalakeng ito, at shet, TALAGANG MAY KAUSAP AKONG GANITO KA-GWAPO!!!
***
(045)
“Ano bang tipo mo sa lalake?”
When he asked me that question, a smile has been plastered on my face from ABS until I reached my room to chat with him on YM. Questions like this, it should be answered not just through text, a lot of explanation is needed. Why is he asking me this? If he learns what I’m looking for a guy, would he apply?
There should be magic, a certain connection I only get to experience with him. ‘Yung tipong ang tagal-tagal na naming magkausap but I don’t feel time is passing. Gusto ko, lagi kaming masaya, nagtatawanan, nakakapag-usap tungkol sa kahit na anong bagay. I want my guy to be so into music. I love music, and we should be able to share songs hanggang sa pagtanda namin.
I want my guy to have a life of his own kahit hindi kami magkasama. Pareho kaming driven to reach our goals. We should be each other’s instrument for check and balance, to keep each other’s passion burning. Masarap na at the end of the day, even though we just came from two separate worlds, we’ll listen to each other’s story, embrace and just feel the joy and love of being together.
I told Jai everything I want in a guy. Sabi niya sa YM, naiiyak daw siya. I wanted to tell him na lahat nang sinabi ko, na-realize ko at nakita ko sa kanya. Siya na nga ‘yung perfect example for the kind of guy I’m looking for. Parang gusto ko na si Jai. Kung paano kami umabot sa ganitong point, it all started when I lost my fifth cellphone sa Bed in Malate.
(030)
I messaged everyone on my Friendster explaining what happened and asking for their number. He replied, “Even me? 0927XXXXXXX. ;-)” So I included him on the recipients of my “send-to-all” text message telling everyone that I’ll be using that number. Then days passed, he will send me random messages like, “Hi Joe.” At first, I couldn’t believe he’s texting first but then again I’d be so happy to reply then the conversations will start.
Random texts became rituals of exchanging at least 20 texts a day. Kumustahan lang even though we barely know each other. Hindi pa nga kami nai-introduce eh. Then it became a habit. From the time we wake up to the time we sleep, we’d spend each day texting or talking on YM. Kung sakaling malulugi ang Globe Telecom, sisihin kaming dalawa. We made sure na sulit na sulit ang Globe Unlitxt. For the 80 Pesos per 5 days of unlimited texting, there would be a minimum of 2000 texts exchanged. No voice calls, don’t ask me why. During those times, hindi ko rin naisip na tumawag or ask him why he’s not calling. Habang tumatagal kasi, mas nakakakilig. And the more na I think about finally hearing his voice, kinakabahan ako and at the same time, natatakot. Baka ‘pag narinig niya na ang boses ko, ma-turn off siya kasi he’d finally realize na bakla pala ang kausap niya.
(046)
“Kung babae ka lang, liligawan na kita. Sana tayo na lang.”
That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard from a straight guy. Coming from a bad relationship, umiiyak ako while reading his messages on YM. All my life, I’ve been brainwashed to think that if a gay man wants to have a relationship with a so-called straight guy, he should have a fat wallet. Then here comes this fourth year college student from Ateneo, gwapo, matalino, talented, mabait at mayaman... sasabihing sana single na lang siya so pwede na kami – wow! Ako na... ako na nga!
Ako na maging fragile, vulnerable at utu-utong bakla. Dito nagsimula. Ngayon, gusto kong malaman, nasaan ka na Jai?
to be CONTINUED...
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