Here's My Pointe

I'll never forget this one time back in my Salinggawi days nung nagalit sa aming mga apprentice si Mamachu kasi naka-jazz pants kami sa training, "Bakit, magagaling na ba kayo?" Back then sabi ko, "Wow, galit na siya n'on?"

Later on I realized na she said that because, one: "how can you correct lines kung ang arte na ng suot mo" and two: "bago ka mag-inarte, make sure magaling ka na." That became a part of my rule book, that in the dance world, everything is earned.

When I was 21, Teacher Georcelle asked me to dance on pointe, coz she had a concept in mind for a prod. Grabe 'yung pagtanggi ko kasi feeling ko nakakahiya dahil we have real ballerinas sa group and I felt very undeserving. She said she would give me a one-on-one class and help me train.

The next day they gave me pointe shoes. It was an old pair tapos wala pa siyang ribbon. I remember holding it for the first time, wearing it, sawing then tying the ribbon around my foot and then finally standing on my toes for the first time. It was magical. Parang nag-flashback din sa akin 'yung very first ballet class ko. It felt like all the classes I took were lined at my back, they were holding me up to keep my balance.

To many, sapatos lang 'yan but to some, it represented something larger than life itself.

Being a dancer taught me a lot of things. Wearing those shoes made me realize that no one is entitled. You work hard for what you want and nothing is served on a platter.

It's easy to complain and rant but, hunny, have you done your homework?

Here's My Pointe

I'll never forget this one time back in my Salinggawi days nung nagalit sa aming mga apprentice si Mamachu kasi naka-jazz pants kami sa training, "Bakit, magagaling na ba kayo?" Back then sabi ko, "Wow, galit na siya n'on?"

Later on I realized na she said that because, one: "how can you correct lines kung ang arte na ng suot mo" and two: "bago ka mag-inarte, make sure magaling ka na." That became a part of my rule book, that in the dance world, everything is earned.

When I was 21, Teacher Georcelle asked me to dance on pointe, coz she had a concept in mind for a prod. Grabe 'yung pagtanggi ko kasi feeling ko nakakahiya dahil we have real ballerinas sa group and I felt very undeserving. She said she would give me a one-on-one class and help me train.

The next day they gave me pointe shoes. It was an old pair tapos wala pa siyang ribbon. I remember holding it for the first time, wearing it, sawing then tying the ribbon around my foot and then finally standing on my toes for the first time. It was magical. Parang nag-flashback din sa akin 'yung very first ballet class ko. It felt like all the classes I took were lined at my back, they were holding me up to keep my balance.

To many, sapatos lang 'yan but to some, it represented something larger than life itself.

Being a dancer taught me a lot of things. Wearing those shoes made me realize that no one is entitled. You work hard for what you want and nothing is served on a platter.

It's easy to complain and rant but, hunny, have you done your homework?

Stay High

I was in college when this song was released. Back then, it was an "okay" song for me and didn't make any meaning to my life... I was definitely living a dream back then. Being a part of a school dance company, being surrounded by friends, and having a great time. There was no social media, unlike today. There was no need to have the approval of people you don't know. Everything was just exclusive to your own circle. I was not chasing anything, I was living at the moment.

Lately, this song has been playing through my head whenever I see or hear all these crazy stuff happening everywhere. People would really go out of their way to make a scene, to have viral/trending posts, all for the sole purpose of gaining likes and shares. Popularity? Maybe, but it's fleeting. Like in a day or two, no one is going to remember while a new photo, video, or topic is gaining popularity.

This thing is going round and round, a cycle that we keep on chasing so we can keep up. Sometimes it feels like the system is driving us and not the other way around. We spend more and more time looking down, chasing Pokémons rather than looking at someone's eyes. It's like someone's physical presence is boring us and we prefer seeing them on tiny boxes and circles in our screens.

I am guilty. Almost everyone's guilty. (I still know some people who doesn't have a social media addiction)

"There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me."

•••

Edit: why did I write a blog about this?

This is crazy... I've lost some sleep because the last thing I was reading the night before is some news of a baranggay captain (rumored to be gay) slain by three young men. I found out about it through a shared status on Facebook tagging two of the three suspects. When I clicked the names, they were two very good looking young men who I've seen before on social media. They had some followings for being very handsome and they post a lot of shirtless content.

I don't know. I feel bad on how a very promising life was put to waste, all for what, money? An iPhone? They stole 300 thousand pesos from the man. Is that how much a person's life is?

Everything's a PERFECT ILLUSION.

Inactive, Reactive, Deactivate

I haven't written an entry here for years. I guess that's what happens at the age of Facebook and Twitter... the social media. Unlike those days when there was only a diary/journal or a blog, you spend the whole day collecting your emotions and thoughts so when you go home, you write them all down. What you create are beautiful entries, sometimes truthful, sometimes an enhanced version of memories that years later still feel intense.

I think the problem with the ease brought about by the social media is we've developed the habit of "tearing" up ourselves into tiny pieces then send it out to the world. Like we're on a park with a loaf of bread on our hands. We feel something, we think of something, then we get that small piece of information and throw it out into the open hoping someone (a bird) will take it. Then we come home left empty handed... nothing to digest on. We forget to feed ourselves. We forget to let our emotions develop and be processed within. We come home and feed on the comments provided by those birds aka our social media friends.

• • •

Today I have temporarily deactivated (again) my Facebook account as each day becomes very hard to avoid all the negativities posted. Negativities coming from people who I don't see very often. People who actually doesn't even exist on my daily routine. People who doesn't even equate to a necessity in my entire life. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

This is just crazy. When I was in high school, no one imagined that the world would eventually come into this. It's driving me nuts. I am becoming a person I can't stand as I become very whiny and complaining about all the people I see – people that I DO NOT NEED.

Thus... DEACTIVATE.

I need to breathe. I need space. I need to fine tune these channels of information.

My family and true friends, they are the only ones that matter.